Life Starts Now
by breezyme
Summary: Post London Calling; Jude and everyone else thought the last year was hard, but they're about to find out they've been living the good life. Reality is coming in fast and hard, and everyone is coming back down to earth.
1. Born For This

**Okay, I gave in. The idea was too enticing, too open to playing around with, that I couldn't resist. This is a post London Calling story. But, rest assured, I happen to think it's a very _good_ post London Calling Story. Right, you don't want to hear this, on with the story!**

* * *

_People always say the grass only looks greener on the other side. I've always disagreed. After all, color is entirely looks-based, isn't it? And yes, I know, the expression isn't literal, but apply it to my situation: the side I was on was normalcy, and the other side was fame. Fame looked happier, and isn't one's happiness dependent upon how one see's the world? I crossed the fence to the other side because I was born to be famous._

_I was born to be a rock star._

* * *

Jude Harrison, rock star, opened the door to her new home and almost screamed in fright.

Now, Jude was not one for screaming. Although she had the lungs for it, she preferred to think of herself as fearless, and screaming in terror pretty much screams (if you'll excuse the pun) "fearful." However, her home's interior was a little… unexpected.

Rats conversed in corners, and cobwebs littered the ceiling. Further investigation revealed mold in the fridge. The neighborhood may have been "the place to live," but this apartment, was not.

"Okay," Jude said to herself. "I need an exterminator, a new fridge, a broom and soap." She looked from the floors, covered in generations of dust and soot, to the kitchen, from which a musty smell emanated. "Lots of soap."

--

"Sadie, we leave for Brazil in two days. I need tickets, hotel and transportation. Here's the place the tryouts are at, booking into for the cameras and schedules. Photo shoots for the posters are tomorrow, here at G," Darius said, thrusting a stack of paperwork at her. Sadie blinked. _He wants me to do all this in two days? Is he crazy?_ Instead of voicing her thoughts, she nodded, towing the stack to her computer.

"Oh, and Sadie?" She turned. He threw one last packet at her, along with a pen. "Tell Tommy he's officially released from his contract." Sadie nodded, shocked, and turned again.

--

Kwest entered NBR, taking a deep breath. When Jamie saw him, he stared, confused. Kwest inhaled again. "You need a producer?"

--

Tom DuTois, former producer of G-Major records, sat in his childhood home in New Brunswick, chin in his hands, staring.

"You can have anything you want, Tristan. There's nothing here for me," he said to his brother. The young man nodded. He was wearing the traditional black for mourning. Tommy, however, had been mourning for different reasons. Tristan was mourning for their mother, who had died in a nursing home a couple days ago. _The same day Jude left,_ Tommy thought idly. He had decided he was done mourning, and done regretting. He needed to be.

Tommy was in his rental car, driving back to the airport, when his cell rang.

"Hey Quincy, I heard you're out of work," a familiar voice said.

"Rub it in, why don't you?" Tommy muttered.

"How would you like to work at NBR?"

--

Jude had just got in her car to go shopping for cleaning supplies when Nicola called.

"Jude," she said. "We need you in the studio, to meet your new producer and get started."

"Now? I just got here a day ago."

"So? We need you _now._" The A&R rep sounded angry, which made no sense to Jude.

"Okay, I'll be right there," Jude said, closing her phone and sighing.

--

"Jude, good, you're here," Nicola said hurriedly. "Your new producer is in the conference room, along with the label's manager, Julia Smith. Do _not _call her anything but Miss Smith, for she is not married nor is she on a first-name basis with anybody. Now go!" she said, pushing Jude into what she could only assume was the conference room.

"Jude Harrison!" a thin brunette announced. "Glad to finally meet you. Your producer is Sir Gareth Lorden. He's been knighted, so I expect you to use his title, and call him _Sir _Gareth." Miss Smith gestured to a portly man sitting next to her, then continued. "Now, do you have anything written?"

"Yes," Jude said. At Nicola's glare, she amended, "Miss Smith."

"Perfect," the woman said, brisk as ever. _Do these people ever breathe?_ Jude wondered. Miss Smith continued. "You and Sir Gareth will work in the studio for the next hour. When that hour is up, you'll audition backup bands together. You'll have picked one by the end of two hours, and then you'll go home, and arrive here promptly at seven tomorrow. Good day," she finished, waving her hand in dismissal. Jude, blinking, left the room, Sir Gareth trailing her.

--

"So, Jude, let's hear what you've got so far." Jude relaxed. This was the easy part, the good part: the music.

"Okay, it's really just a bridge right now, but-"

"_Sing _it Jude, I don't need an introduction." Jude stared, but obeyed.

"_Have a little faith  
Just hold on tight  
The-_"

"Too naïve, and your 'hook' is overly simplistic. Let's rework this."

Jude blinked. She'd thought the simple tune and naivety of the song was what gave it its appeal, but she moved past her opinions. After all, she couldn't always be right.

--

"One hour later, Sir Gareth looked up at the clock. "As little progress as we've made, I'm afraid I have to go."

"Woah woah woah, wait. We're getting a backup band, remember?"

"Yes, I know, and don't tell Miss Smith I let you pick them out on your own. Surely you're competent enough that I won't have to shame myself by telling her I wasn't there to baby-sit. Good bye!" he called over his shoulder.

"Wait!" she called after him, flummoxed and desperate. "What about contracts, schedules, all that?" She received no answer except silence.

"Pardon me, are you the new artist?" a graying man clad in a Clash t-shirt and top hat asked.

"Yeah, why?" And that's how her backup band auditions began.

--

"…I know, I've always said Kurt Cobain lyrics can answer almost any question," Jude said eagerly, an hour and fifty-five minutes later.

"I'm sorry, who?" the bassist she'd been talking to asked. Jude sighed.

"I'll call you if you make it, but I've got to start cleaning up now." The man nodded, looking triumphant. _I wouldn't look that way if I were you. No way did you make it,_ Jude thought. After the bassist left, she collapsed in her chair, about to scream, this time in frustration. She put her head in her hands.

She looked up abruptly, however, when a loud female voice chorused, to the background of two other panting voices, "Are we too late?"

"Um, can you do it in two minutes?" Jude asked.

"Yes!" chimed a guy nearly six feet tall.. He carried a base guitar on his back and an amp in his arms. He and his two companions started setting up.

A girl with a blue pixie cut who must have been the one who spoke set up a drum kit, while a guy with red hair and freckles plugged his guitar into the bassist's amp.

They began playing, and Jude tapped her foot to the beat, recognizing a sound kindred to that of her music. When they finished, they stood, awaiting her judgment.

She pointed at the guitarist. "Do you work crazy studio hours?" He nodded, and she moved on to the drummer. "Do you encourage childlike behavior?" The girl burped in reply, and Jude turned to the bassist. "_Please _tell me you know who Kurt Cobain is."

"Yeah," he said, reproachfully.

"Then you're in!"


	2. A Day In The Life

_Sometimes, nothing super-special happens during the day. You goof off with your friends, aren't very productive at work, and you pretty much coast through the day. On the flipside, however, some days have just a little more drama, a little more mystery, than you'd like. I try to avoid said days.  
_

* * *

"Jude Harrison!" a voice boomed two weeks later. The voice belonged to a man of nearly six feet in stature, with messy black hair and gray eyes. He stormed into the recording booth, his expression playfully stern, flanked by a girl with hair of a shocking blue. "I demand we re-work the hook! And your lyrics are far too boring!" he bellowed in a good impression of Jude's producer, Sir Gareth Lorden.

"And why is that, Sir Gary?" the girl inquired, imitating Jude. "Didn't you say, just yesterday, that this was perfect?"

"Rob, Haley, guess what?" interrupted a third voice belonging to a freckled boy of fifteen. Rob and Haley groaned.

"You just had to ruin it, didn't you, Ben?" Haley said.

"Sorry, but guess what? I just beat _Through the Fire and Flames_ on expert!"

Rob rolled his eyes. "Took you long enough. You've been playing Guitar Hero III for a couple years." Ben simply scowled at him, then turned to Jude.

"What do _you _think?" he asked.

"I think you did good, Ben. But I also think Rob is right." The guitarist scowled at her. "Oh Ben, you know I didn't mean it!" she said, pulling him into a hug. They all held their poses for a moment before they collapsed in laughter.

"Oh, I know!" Haley said excitedly. "Let's have some tunes before Sir I-eat-too-many-meat-pies the producer comes back." She turned on the radio, and a familiar voice came through.

"Boo!" Rob and Ben chorused. "Turn on some Clash!"

As Haley turned to do so, Jude yelled "Wait!" Her band turned to her, curious. She shushed them and listened harder.

"…_Don't ever think you're poison  
You bring me so much joy to me,  
You can't be deadly._"

"That, mates, was Tommy Quincy with his single _Poison_," the DJ said as the music faded. "_Poison_ is the number one single in Canada, right above Vincent Speiderman's _Remind Yourself_, and is hastily climbing the British charts. It was released a week ago by the same out-of-the-blue label that released _Remind Yourself_, Nana's Basement Records. An album released date for Quincy and Speiderman's albums has not been announced, but NBR's manager and A&R rep, Jamie Andrews, has confirmed that there will be albums for the two artists…" At this point Haley changed the channel, bored with the DJ's monologue.

"I'll always be poison," Jude whispered. No one heard.

--

"Tommy, package," Jamie said, thrusting a small paper parcel onto the table.

"Your Nana makes excellent sandwiches," Tommy said between bites.

"Yeah, well, tell Nana that. She loves to cook," Jamie said, running up back up the stairs.

Tommy opened the package. In it was a book called Poison_._ Stuck to the inner cover was a post-it which read:

_I'm still me._

Perplexed, Tommy looked at the package and found no return address.

"Hey Quincy, you need seconds?" Jamie yelled.

"No, I'm good!" Tommy called back.

--

"What?!" Jude shouted, indignant. "You can't be serious!"

"Jude, you haven't written a decent song since your last album, so you'll sing this one," Sir Gareth said, smugly. He'd been looking for a way to get back at Jude ever since she'd selected Lacy Prat as her backup band. He'd disapproved because Haley, Rob, and Ben "didn't fit her image," and the label agreed, which made him look like an idiot. Sir Gareth kept quiet though, pretending the decision had been a joint one to the rest of the label, while quietly trying to convince Jude to get rid of them in private. Jude, however, held firm.

"But it's in French, and I didn't write it… and it's in French! What does _tres facille _even mean?"

"Very easy," he supplied evenly.

"I am _not _singing '_I'm very easy, very easy._' That's pure crap!"

"You'll sing it, or rid yourself of the three mongrels," he said, gesturing towards Lacy Prat, who were watching intently.

Jude gritted her teeth.

--

"Speid, I'm going shopping!" Karma called over her shoulder.

"Wait!" Speid yelled. "Before you do that, you might want to look at how much the lawyer costs."

Karma turned, and snatched the papers from Speid's hands, sighing impatiently. Her eyes widened, and she sank into the couch.

"My album profits won't cover that unless it goes double platinum, at least. We need to save up. No more shopping trips for a while, okay?" Karma nodded. "Also, since we're officially evicted in two days, how do you feel about the Rehearsal Space?"

--

Sadie shook the man sitting next to her awake. "Darius, we're here," she whispered.

Their plane had just arrived in Cairo, Egypt, for the third leg of World Instant Star. Sadie's head was still spinning with schedules and ticket info, all of which had been figured out only three days prior.

She was startled out of her thoughts by Darius yelling to the G-Major team, "Alright people! We've got a packed schedule. When we get to the hotel you get one hour to rest, and then we'll meet in Sadie's room to prepare for auditions and go over the schedule for auditions for the next couple days. Move out!"

Sadie sighed. There'd be no hour of rest for her. So far World Instant Star had been a whirlwind of bookings, auditions and plan discussions, interrupted only by the occasional dinner with one of Darius' foreign cohorts. Sadie was left feeling like Darius' personal monkey again. She hadn't realized until two weeks ago, when Darius had thrust stacks of paper at her in his office, how impromptu and rushed the whole program had been. It seemed that Darius had been so eager to "get ahead of the game" that he'd forgotten the planning phase. Sadie was seriously considering leaving when her contract ended. She had originally joined G-Major to make up for the money she'd wasted, and, thought she'd never admit it, to spend some more time around Jude. Both those times had long passed, and Sadie was ready to leave.


	3. Pressure

_Sometimes life really gets to us. The pressure to do good, to fulfill expectations is too much, and we just need to let go._

_Some people shut themselves off from other people and do something they enjoy; others go screw around with a couple good friends. Still others say nothing and keep going, letting the pressure build. This had two eventual results: either the person rebels, or the person explodes, dangerously and suddenly and even self-destructively._

_I tend to do the latter._

* * *

"…_but I'd fall in to the cold caress of 2 a.m.-_"

"New song?" Haley interrupted.

"Oh no, it's nothing," Jude said, heart pounding a little from being caught playing the basement song. "Did you need something?"

"The boys and I were going to get some coffee, you want to come along?"

"Of course," Jude said, grinning. They'd found a coffee shop in the grungier parts of London that attracted the kind of crowd that didn't normally listen to Jude's music. This way Jude could get her caffeine fix without being mobbed.

On their way to the coffee shop, Haley said, "You should work on that song you were playing. It sounded real promising."

"Sir Gary won't like it, I'm sure," Jude said, trying to sound convincing. Jude still wanted to keep the basement song to herself. "After all, _I _wrote it."

"True," Haley snorted. "Doesn't that get annoying, though? I don't think you guys have recorded a single song in the past two and a half weeks you've been there."

"It's infuriating!" Jude suddenly exploded. Her knightly producer was starting to get to her. "It's like he just hates my music, all of it! I wonder why he was even assigned to me, or better yet, why the _label _signed me. It's like, nothing I sing is good enough!"

"Sounds like you just need a new producer. Why don't you just ask for one?"

"I'm _scared _to. I'm new to Burmenzie Records, I have to prove myself! They aren't going to hand me whatever I want on a silver platter, and besides, have you _met _the company manager? She's fucking scary! I'll get to Sir Gareth eventually," Jude said, trying to convince herself.

"Sure," Haley said. "Whatever. Now let's go get some coffee."

--

"Tommy Quincy's solo album is officially finished!" Jaime yelled triumphantly.

A voice from upstairs rang out, "Jaime darling, could you keep it down? Zeppelin's sleeping."

"Yes Nana," Jaime sighed.

"Dude, you are whipped," Speid taunted. Karma sat next to him, dinking around with a guitar.

"I may be whipped, but I finished Quincy's solo album in under three weeks," Jaime whispered haughtily.

"Be fair, Andrews," Tommy said. "I had to do all that recording, and Kwest stayed way after hours to finish the production. You really didn't do _anything _for the album." Tommy said this last sentence jokingly. The truth was that he was extremely grateful that Jaime had given him what Darius never would have: a solo career.

"Hey Squinty," Speid piped up. Tommy didn't protest to the nickname. It had become more of a sign of their loose friendship than an insult. "How'd you write so fast? It seemed like everyday you'd come in with a new song, or even two new songs."

"Truthfully, I've been writing stuff for years, just in my spare time. I have tons more written that aren't very good." Tommy was reminded of the night when Jude got home from her tour; she'd made him sit there, half-asleep, while she played all of her new songs. A good portion of the songs had been cut, but quite there were quite a number of songs off _Learning Curve _that were from that night.

"Well, Quincy, you've done good. We'll release the CD by the end of this week."

"Um, Andrews, that's a bootleg copy you've got there," Tommy said, pointing at the CD in a jewel case. "We still need cover art, and the presses need more than a couple of days to burn the CD's."

Jamie stared at him like he was an idiot. "Tommy, we're an anti-corporate, independent label. We're gonna burn these CD's the old-fashioned way: one at a time, using the computers here, at the studio. As for cover art, we'll snap a photo with the digital camera and crack open Photo Shop. And besides, we're releasing it on the internet first; Itunes, Real Player, Rhapsody; they're all going to have it. And then, depending on it's digital success, we'll see how many copies we should burn."

"Wow, Andrews, the internet is playing a huge part in this," Tommy said, surprised at the efficiency of Jaime's plan. He liked the way Jaime was going about this; it seemed so much more about the music.

"Welcome to the digital age," Jaime retorted, throwing his hands out to the sides in a "look-around-you" gesture. "Where everyone _loves _the computer"

--

Jude and Lacy Prat were sitting in the studio, waiting for Sir Gareth to get out of his meeting with Miss Smith.

Haley punched Ben's arm lightly, laughing at his boybander impression. Rob started tackling Ben, yelling "Nooo! And we tried so hard!" Jude laughed when a familiar voice interrupted.

"Reminds me of your boys back home," the man said. His voice was distinct; it couldn't be mistaken. Jude turned around.

"Paegan?" she asked disbelievingly. "What are you doing here?"

"The label manger's me mum. She was pretty pissed when I didn't sign at her label, but your sister fixed that. I tell you, that woman is fierce!"

"Miss Smith is your _mother?_ But I thought she wasn't married!"

"She isn't; I'm the bastard son of her and some unnamed rock fellow."

"You say that so calmly," Jude said, shocked.

"'Course. It ain't me fault me mum's the stiffest slut in England." Jude's jaw fell open at his blatant use of the words 'stiff' and 'slut' when describing his mother. He continued. "So you aren't mad at me? You know, for leaving NBR?"

"Nope," Jude said. I get it; you just needed to spread your wings, and NBR wouldn't let you do that."

"Exactly!" he exclaimed. "How's Zeppelin, by the way?"

"Dating Jaime, and last I heard still working at NBR." A thought formed in Jude's head. "Could you do me a favor?"

"Sure, 's long as it doesn't involve screaming fans. I've had enough of those on tour," he grinned.

"Talk to your mom; get me a new producer. The knight and I don't work well together."

"Anyfing for an old mate," he said, bowing. "By the way," he called over his shoulder. "Sadie said to tell you World Instant Star will be in London starting this Friday. I saw the woman in Egypt; she never takes a breath." With that, he walked out. Rob, Ben and Haley sat, gaping. Finally, Rob piped up.

"You know Paegan Smith?"

"Yeah, we both used to work at G-Major, my old record label." Ben just shook his head.

Jude looked over his shoulder at Haley, who nodded. Jude mentally counted to three and started tackling Rob while Haley mercilessly tickled Ben.

--

Sadie was in her hotel room in London, awaiting the call that was sure to come. She'd asked Darius for time off to visit Jude.

The phone rang then, and Sadie answered, "Sadie Harrison speaking."

"Sadie!" Darius boomed, catching Sadie by surprise. She hadn't expected Darius to be so _loud._

"Darius! Glad you called," she said excitedly; she'd finally get to see Jude again. Sure, it had only been a month, but Sadie was too used to having Jude around. Besides, who knew when they'd get the chance to see each other again? "Did I get the time off?" she asked hopefully.

"No way!" Darius yelled. "I can't believe you'd even think of that! You've got a job to do, Harrison."

"Darius, come on! I've been working non-stop for the past month; I _deserve _this time off."

Darius paused for a second. "Would you make it worth my while?" he asked.

"_What?!_" she screeched. That _scumbag!_ She wasn't a whore.

"You heard me." She could practically hear him smirking. "You… repay me, or you're stuck working for the entire time we're in London."

"Sleazebag! You know what Darius, I've been your monkey for too long, and you just took it too far! My contract ended two days ago. I quit!"

"Then pack up and get out of this hotel. Don't forget to leave the company credit card."

She simply hung up and started packing.

--

"Jude," Miss Smith greeted briskly. "I hear you and Sir Gareth are having problems in the studio. You most certainly have, and I've seen it." Jude exhaled in relief; she was getting a new producer. "You haven't released a single yet, nor have you made a song yet. I think we both know what the problem is." Jude nodded. Sir Gareth was all wrong as a producer. "You haven't written a single decent song yet."

"What?" Jude asked incredulously. She'd thought the woman was on her side.

"Yes," the woman said. "Jude, we need to release a single, _fast._ The basement song would be perfect, I'm sure. No one's heard it, but everyone wants to. Record it, release it, and then we'll talk." Miss Smith waved her hand in dismissal as she did so often.

"No," Jude said, voice low. "The basement song is staying in that basement. The problem isn't me, it's-"

"Stop making excuses, Miss Harrison. You'll record and release the basement song, or you'll lose your contract."

"Fine!" Jude shouted. "I guess I'm fired!" The woman blinked at her in surprise.

"Well then, goodbye Miss Harrison. I can't say it's been a pleasure."

Jude stormed out, Sir Gareth smirking at her.

--

Jude was sitting in her apartment, staring at the (now clean) floor, when she heard knocking on the door. She cracked it open to find Sadie, several suitcases at her feet.

"You know, it costs extra to bring more than one suitcases on a flight these days," Jude stated. Sadie nodded.

"You got room for one more… for a while?"

Jude nodded, opening the door wider. "Come in."

**If Sadie's phone conversation with Darius makes no sense or seems sudden, I ask you to refer back to the what Darius was using World Instant Star for, according to Kwest in London Calling.**

**I'm really happy with how Tommy's solo album is being released; I really thought it was time for the industry to be modernized and made more world-weary in Instant Star. _This is a real way to release a CD_: When my Dad released his CD, he started on Myspace, payed a company to burn 100 or so copies, and put the CD on CD Baby, which puts it on Itunes and such.**

**Oh, I can't wait for the next chapter! I'll say only this; Someone hasn't seen Big Ben in too long, or so he tells NBR's label manager.**

**And I want to see at least one review saying "Go Sadie!" or something along those lines, because I am very proud of Sadie in this chapter.**

**-breezy**


	4. Heart Shaped Box

_It's funny how little attention people pay to their hearts these days. They're dragged away from their heart's desires by promises of money, success and stability. Laws pay little attention to this small muscle, and other rules, society's unwritten rules, can seriously infringe upon matters of it._

_But that's not the only thing; people's heads tell them something different from their hearts, and their head, being the thing that controls the decision-making process, overrides the heart._

_Here's the thing to remember: the heart is an advisor, probably the most good-intention one there is. So, what I ask, is this: What's the point of having a good advisor if you don't listen to them?_

* * *

Jaime, Kwest and Tommy all held champagne flutes, poised for a toast. "To Quincy's solo album, _Never Holding a Grudge_, and to its success," Jaime proclaimed. The album was set for its digital release this Friday, a month after Jude had gone to London.

"To Quincy!" Tommy and Kwest said. They all clinked their glasses. As Jaime put his down, he held up some slips of paper and said, "And to celebrate, a two day trip to London." Jaime looked at Tommy, silently asking if he was okay with it. Tommy nodded, smiling. "Sounds good; I haven't seen Big Ben in ages." Jaime smiled, relieved.

Tommy knew that Jamie and Kwest and everybody missed Jude, and besides, an international trip really was a nice sentiment, even if it had ulterior motives.

_I'll just keep away from her,_ he thought. _How hard can it be to _not _bump into someone in a big city?_

--

"Sadie, I have to tell you something," Jude said the morning after Sadie arrived. "My label fired me. I refused to release the basement song." Sadie just stared at her. "Sadie, talk," she pleaded. "I'm going to find work, and probably a smaller apartment, but I'm not going home! I'm going to make it work here."

"Jude, I know," Sadie finally said. "I wouldn't expect you to leave." Jude exhaled in relief. "But Jude, why'd your label fire you for not releasing a specific song?"

Jude sighed. "My producer was a Darius re-incarnate or something like that; he didn't like anything I wrote, on principle, and the label manager took his word over mine." Suddenly tears welled up in Jude's eyes. She swiped at them furiously, angry that she could break down. "It's not fair! Music is my life, Sadie, and now some bitch in Burberry and an ass in Armani took it away, just like that! They didn't even respect my rights as an artist to _not _release what I'd written!"

"You could sue them for wrongful termination of contract," Sadie suggested quietly.

Jude sniffled, still trying to hold back tears, and then snorted. "Yeah, right, the money I'd get from that wouldn't even reimburse the lawyer, I'm sure. It's not fair!" she repeated.

Sadie pulled her into a hug, playing mother for the moment. "Shh…" she said as Jude sobbed. "It'll be okay."

But Jude knew it wouldn't be.

--

Speid sat, Karma at his side, in Thurman's office. He handed over the check; they'd lost. The compensation they'd been force to pay was so much they'd had to take out a ten-year bank loan. The only reason their lawyer was angry was because he hadn't been paid. In their agreement with him he'd decided he'd be paid only if he won the case, being cocky enough to say: "You won't have to worry about not paying me. I _will _win." Dipstick.

--

Jude hung up her apron, her shift at the coffee shop finished. She'd managed to get a job at the coffee she and Lacy Prat had found a month ago.

She heard a slightly familiar voice singing an extremely familiar tune: her namesake.

"_Hey Jude, don't make it bad,  
Take a sad song, and make it better,…_"

Jude followed the voice out of the coffee shop, and to the sidewalk in front of it. There stood Haley, singing, Ben, playing an acoustic, and Rob, standing by them and looking imposing to anyone who might want to ask if they had a street performing permit.

Jude patiently waited for them to finish, noting Haley's voice, idly thinking, _"Thou shalt not let the drummer sing_" my ass.

Haley said, "Jude, you haven't answered our phone calls. I know for a fact you saw me across the street yesterday, and I called to you, but you kept on walking. We need to talk, Jude."

Jude nodded, slowly. "Let's all go back to my place."

--

"Zeppelin will help you record some takes while we're gone. We'll do production when we get back," Jaime said to Speid. "Nana knows you and Karma are welcome to eat here at any time, and she'd very excited for it, so take full advantage or fear her wrath."

"Don't worry dude, I've taken a liking to Nana's famous pancakes. Karma, though she'll never admit it, loves the biscuits."

Jaime smiled. "Good." He turned to Zeppelin and pulled her into a kiss. "See you in a few days," he whispered. Their trip would be four days with travel time.

"Bye," she whispered back, giving him a peck on the cheek. After holding their foreheads together for a moment, he leaned back, slinging his laptop case's strap over his shoulder. He, Tommy and Kwest started up the stairs.

--

"Okay, talk," Jude said, sitting in her new, smaller, apartment.

"Listen," Haley said. "You don't have to give up music. There's a way to produce a low budget album."

"We've got a decent-ish mike for you to use, and Garage Band is on my Macbook," Ben piped up. "The production and quality won't be _excellent_, but it'll pass."

"And you can record in one of the old cathedrals," Rob said. "Admission's free, and there's plenty of lesser known ones that have great acoustics and officials who don't mind an extra attraction." Jude said nothing.

"We can do this, Jude," Haley said quietly. "You can get your music out there."

Jude sat, thinking. She bit her lip; it would be amazing to still get her album out, and to have it just the way she wanted it. "I don't have a backup band," she said.

"Yeah your do, you silly idiot, you've got us!" Haley said. "Sir Gary didn't like us enough to bind us to Burmenzie. Instead he just bound us to you, for your first album at Burmenzie only." Haley sat back, waiting, while Ben and Rob looked on eagerly.

And then Jude's face broke into a huge, genuine grin. "  
Okay," she said quietly, and then louder, "Let's do it!" The three of them launched themselves at her, and Jude laughed.

--

Haley was just hanging out with Ben, enjoying their time together. Rehearsal had ended earlier, and Jude and Rob had left. "Hey, Haley," he said. "I'm kind of cool, right?"

"'Course, Benny Boy. You're our awesome, freshly-turned fifteen lead guitarist. What more could you want in a friend?" she said, smiling playfully.

"What about in a boyfriend?" he asked quietly. Haley went stiff.

"Ben," she said. "I'm turning twenty three in a month. You turned fifteen five days ago."

"Age is just a number, Haley. You can't tell me you don't want to; we hang out like this all the time; we spend hours just talking; we've been a band together from when I was in the _fourth grade!_ Rob didn't come until two years later. We've always just clicked, Haley."

"But you're fifteen," she said. "It's not right."

"How can what your heart tells you be wrong?"

"You're a freshman in high school and I've been graduated for _five years!_ It's unnatural-"

She was cut off as Ben pressed his lips to hers. She reached for his head as tangled his hands in her short, blue hair. "Tell me that didn't feel natural," he whispered. "Tell me that didn't feel right."

"You're right," she whispered. "Age is just a number," and she pulled him in for another kiss.

--

Jude was in her car, driving past downtown and into the suburbs. At the first pub she found, she immediately pulled into the parking lot. She'd offered to take Sadie along, but she'd said she had a job interview.

As Jude stepped into the bar, she drank in the atmosphere. She drank in the lights and sound, the people… oh.

--

Tommy had driven into the suburbs, figuring that rock star Jude Harrison would never venture out of the glamorous downtown London. How wrong he'd been.

He was sipping a beer, listening to the folk singer on the stage, when he spotted a familiar face. A familiar face who was staring at him.

She walked towards him, realizing she'd been spotted.

"Hey," she said. "Fancy seeing you here," she said. He noticed she was wearing no make-up, and he smiled; she looked better that way.

"Hey, Jude," he said. She chuckled at the familiar phrase. "What brings the Rock Star out to the Burbs?"

Her face fell slightly. "I'm sorry about that Tommy, I really am."

He waved it off. "I get it. Sit down, have a beer. Let's catch up," he said, patting the seat next to him. She smiled, and sat down.

--

At midnight, the pub was empty and they were both slightly buzzed. Tommy walked Jude to her car. They chatted for a few more minutes, then said their goodbyes, and Jude turned to unlock her car.

He surprised her by spinning her around and kissing her.

She surprised them both by responding in full force.

**Okay, don't be expecting updates so soon anymore. I have to hit a wall _sometime _or later. I think.**

**So, anyone see why I couldn't wait for this chapter? Anybody? Oh, and no worries, it's not gonna get all peachy after this chapter, there's plenty of drama to come.**

**By the way, I don't know if the whole recording in an old church thing would actually work, but it seemed plausible, and, well, damn it, this is MY story!**

**toodles,  
breezy**


	5. We've Got A Big Mess On Our Hands

_We all make mistakes, and we all feel regret. It can be small and trivial or it can end up with disastrous consequences. Sometimes, not always, but sometimes, you can go back and try to fix it or cover it up. Most of the time, however, you can't really mend it, but you can get over it and choose to move on._

_And then other times, you end up with something very big and very messy on your hands, and everything seems too shitty to fix. What's even worse is when that feeling is right, and there's nothing you can do to get out of the knee-deep pile of crap you've gotten yourself in._

* * *

When Jude woke up the next morning, she was in her car, naked, lying next to a naked Tommy Quincy.

As her slowly-awakening brain processed the situation, she realized that she had done this completely sober.

"Damn it!" she cursed loudly, loud enough that Tommy was woken up. _How could I give in? I went to London to do my own thing, and here I am, doing the exact opposite._

"Hey," he said, cautiously. It was obvious he remembered their non-intoxicated states, too.

"Look, I don't know what happened last night-"

"We," he interrupted, gesturing at their bodies, "had sex," this time he gestured at their enclosure, "in your car. Sober."

"I mean, I know what we _did_ last night, but I don't know what I was thinking. We aren't going to do this Tommy. You and I are going to go on like nothing happened. We're going to go home, and we're going to say to everyone who noticed we were gone that we walked around the city, _separately._"

His face tightened, but he nodded. "If that's what you want, Jude." _How could I have been so stupid? _he thought. _Of course this wasn't getting back together._

Quickly, they both dressed.

--

Speid and Karma were talking about ways Karma could make money when they heard a knock. "I'll get it," he whispered, kissing her cheek. He stood up and walked over to the door.

"Hey dude. Can we stay here?" Wally asked, standing next to Kyle. They both had suitcases behind them. "We'll help pay the rent, and stuff."

"My parents threw me out," Kyle said. "And Wally's parents… well, you know." Speid did know. Wally's mom was always away, and only came home around Christmas to drop off a present and give Wally a stiff hug. Wally's dad had died a few months before.

Before Speid could reply, though, Karma appeared. "Of course," she said. At Speid's raised eyebrow she hastily added "but you have to help clean."

"Alright!" they exclaimed. As they gathered up their suitcases, Speid pulled Karma aside.

"You sure you're okay with this?" he whispered. "I know living with the three of us isn't exactly pleasant: just ask Jude to tell you some tour stories."

"I'm okay with it," she said. "Really, it's not like it'll be any bother. This place is big, albeit a bit trashy."

"I think some kindness rubbed off on you, babe. You've started to mellow out."

"Never," she scoffed. "I don't soften for anyone." She turned towards Wally and Kyle and yelled "Now get started on the bathrooms!"

"Aye, aye!" they said. Karma tried to hide her smile; Speid saw it anyways.

--

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late," Jude said, panting, as she ran into Haley and Rob's apartment. She'd been caught up in songwriting; suddenly she wasn't so blocked anymore.

She looked up and only saw Rob. "Dude, where's Haley and Ben?"

"I don't know," Rob said. "But those two have been dancing around each other since I joined the band.

"When'd you join the band?" she asked, curious. She realized she didn't know much about Lacy Prat besides their ages; Ben at fifteen, Haley at twenty-two, and Rob at twenty. And then she took in the other part of Rob's statement. "And what do you mean dancing around each other?"

"I joined the band three years ago. Ben was in sixth grade; Haley was twenty. Their attraction was obvious to anyone who spent an extended period of time with the two of them. At first it was really weird, but then it seemed… natural, you know?" Jude sat, disbelieving.

"I never saw the attraction," she said.

"Well of course you didn't, but they've gotten better at toning it down," he said matter-of-factly. "Anyways, I wouldn't be surprised if they finally got together. Took them long enough." He suddenly looked nervous. "You aren't gonna report them, are you? Because the authorities are real strict about that here. I know it doesn't _seem _right, but just wait; you'll see. Just _please _don't tell if they have gotten together."

"It'd be hypocritical if I did," she said softly.

"What?" he asked, looking confused.

"Yeah, what?" Haley asked, and Jude just noticed her and Ben's presence in the room. "Because, um… well, we did get together."

Jude sighed. "I know you guys don't know much about my past, because my music never really made it past the boundaries of Canada and the United States, but before I left, I dated my producer. Well, there's a long story behind that…" She told them everything starting from the first day when she'd said "Seriously, Little Tommy Q?" and he'd corrected her, (glaring at her the entire time) to the day where she'd run to his door and said, "Let's do it. All of it."

When she finished, Haley launched herself at Jude. "Oh my god, you have no idea how glad I am that someone knows what this is like."

"Yeah, I know. I wish I'd had someone to tell me how to handle it when it happened to me," Jude said. Suddenly she burst into tears. "Or at least someone to talk to about it. It was hard, you know." Haley hugged her tighter, and Jude cried some more while Rob and Ben looked on awkwardly.

When Jude pulled away, Rob said "Well, what can I say? I guess we're not going to get to recording today." Jude laughed, wiping away tears.

--

It had been a month since Tommy had been to London. In that past month, he hadn't left the studio except to sleep and, or so he'd said, eat. Everyone had been noticing him looking a little thinner, and he didn't have anything at the studio except water and Nana's occasional cookie.

One day, Tommy was at the mixing board, co-producing Speid's album with Kwest, when he collapsed.

"Tommy," Kwest said. "Tommy!" Speid came crashing out of the studio, having seen Tommy's collapse.

"Squinty! Come one, wake up! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! TOMMY!" All Speid got was a distant-sounding "Jude?" Speid breathed a sigh of relief at Tommy's sign of consciousness, however dim it might be.

"Keep talking to him," Kwest said, running upstairs to phone an ambulance. Speid nodded.

"Yeah, it's Jude," Speid said, knowing very well that Tommy would fall unconscious if he knew that it was anyone else.

"Jude, why'd you take it back? I thought it was all good, I thought _we _were going to be good again. But you said it was a mistake," Tommy said faintly, waking more with each word.

"Shh, we didn't make a mistake. Shh," Speid said, telling him whatever he needed to stay conscious. But then he got curious. "Why would I say it was a mistake?"

"You said it was a mistake. But Jude, that wasn't true! We were sober! We can't blame having sex on anything! I cried every night for the rest of the time I was in London. But I kept my promise; I didn't tell Jaime or Kwest or anyone." Speid dropped his hand in shock; the irony was hilarious- Jaime and Kwest had set out to find Jude, and Tommy, trying to avoid her, seemed to be the only one to find her- but the irony was seriously overruled by the shock. Jude was not the type to regret loving anyone, much less to regret loving anyone with the last name Quincy.

"Jude? Jude?!" Tommy began getting frantic. Speid, still shell-shocked, didn't answer. Tommy blacked out.

--

Jude came back from bathroom breaks that were becoming daily. She'd throw-up and cry, knowing that her vomiting was a sign of the inevitable; Tommy and her's impromptu rendezvous had left her pregnant.

This time, however, Lacy Prat had seen her tear tracks as she ran to the bathroom.

"Jude, you need to tell us what's going on," Haley said, pulling her down onto a church bench. Jude looked at Ben and Rob out of the corner of her eye. Haley, seeing this, nodded. "You two," she yelled, looking up. "Go take a break." They nodded and left, and Haley looked at her expectantly.

"Tommy and I had sex a month ago," Jude blurted out suddenly, needing to let this out. She hadn't told anyone about this. "And I'm pretty damn sure I'm hauling." At Haley's confused look, she said "Hauling another being." Comprehension dawned on Haley's face, and she opened her arms wide. I buried my face in her chest, crying.

"Have you thought about what you want to do?" Haley asked softly.

"I'm not ready for a child," Jude said. "Especially not right now, when I don't know if this album's going to turn a profit. I want an abortion."

Haley nodded. "I understand completely."

"You don't think that's cruel?" Jude said, looking up.

"No, Jude. I understand; it's not cruel if you can't handle it."

Jude bit her lip. "But I don't have the money for it. I'm paying only half the rent so Sadie can get what she needs, but it's still taking up almost all of my salary. I've literally got no money to spend on anything except groceries."

Haley lifted Jude's head to eye level with hers. "I can give you the money Jude. And before you begin to protest, remember, I only pay half rent on a cheap, crappy apartment and _I've _got money left over from groceries." Jude sighed. She knew that Haley was right, but she didn't like to take other people's money. It would have been so much better if her mother hadn't been draining her trust fund until there was nothing left, taking it all out by her eighteenth birthday. But unfortunately, she did need this money, and she needed it _bad._

"Fine," she said. "But you've got to let me pay you back somehow."

Haley looked down, knowing that Jude wouldn't like her condition, but also knowing that it was only fair. "You have to tell Tommy. You can tell him after you get the abortion if you want, but you have to tell him. I know it's going to hurt Jude, but you know as well as I that he deserves to know. It's your body, but that's just something someone has to _know._"

Jude nodded, and burst into fresh sobs.

Rob and Ben entered the church's chapel now, and as Jude's sobs subsided, Ben said "You know a song will help with whatever it is." Jude nodded.

She started tuning her guitar while Haley adjusted the microphone and Ben and Rob stood by the computer. "Ready," she said. Ben nodded and pressed the record button.

"Hello to everybody who's listening. I know I don't ever really do intros, but this song needs it. It's called _Can't Take Back_, and it's about how everybody makes mistakes, and no matter how much you wish you could go back and change the past, life isn't a script; what's said and done is permanent." Jude took a deep breath, and then began.

"_I know it's petty and useless__  
Everyone knows__  
You can't take back__  
Something like that  
I'm sorry but_

_I can't take back__  
Words that I said  
__Once they're out there  
They're there forever_

_Yes, I made a mistake  
I know what it was  
I'll try not to do it again  
But I can't promise_  
'_Cause I'm still human_

_I can't take back__  
Words that I said  
__Once they're out there  
They're there forever_

_Can't we get past this  
Without going through that awkward phase  
Where I  
Try with no success  
To cover up the words I said  
Everyone knows  
You can't cover it up  
Or take it back_

_I can't take back__  
Words that I said  
__Once they're out there  
They're there forever_

_My words are there forever_"

Jude closed her eyes. Singing always helped her just let it out. It was the only valid therapy for her, and right now, Jude needed all the therapy she could get; she was a mess.

* * *

**Yeah, yeah, I know, this is what I call a wall? I leave for just a few days and come back with a 2000+ word chapter? Don't worry, I'll hit a wall soon enough. I hope. I also doubt (I know, I'm such a contradictorary person).**

**Well, anyways, hope you enjoyed the update. I told you life wasn't going to get peachy anytime soon. Flame me ("maim me/ tame me/ you can never change me!") if you like (sorry for the reference right there; I couldn't help myself; cookie to anyone who gets it!), but I honestly am proud of my work, so please note that unless you provide a valid point I will ignore your comment. I won't delete it, however. I do believe in free speech and all that.**

**cheers,  
breezy**


	6. Move Along

Jude took a deep breath

_Sometimes, you feel like breaking down. You feel like saying "screw it!" and running around until there aren't any thoughts in your head. Sometimes you feel like life isn't worth living. But when you're down, you've got to remember that the meaning of life doesn't matter. Why you're here doesn't matter and a few surprising events that tipped the scales a little less in your favor don't matter. You're here, you've got a life, and it isn't perfect, but that's okay. Just use it. If that mountain gets a little too tall, keep climbing. The summit will make it worth the hike._

_--_

Jude took a deep breath.

It had been three months since she left Toronto. Two months since she slept with Tommy. One month since she'd broken down during recording.

One day since she'd gotten the abortion.

"I can't do it," she said. "I promise, one day I will, but Haley, I _can't _do it."

Haley sighed. Jude had tried to call Tommy several times in the past hour, but she'd always chickened out right before dialing.

"Sure," Haley said. "I'm going to hold you to that, you know."

"Yeah, I know," Jude said quietly.

--

"Hey Quincy, you're up," Speid said, walking in with a newspaper behind his back. He stared pointedly at Kwest, who sighed and left.

"Yep," Tommy said absentmindedly, staring into space. "Kwest said I've been out for a month."

"Yeah," Speid said. "He's right." Tommy remained silent for a moment longer.

"Whatever you've got to say, Speid…"

Speid sighed. "Before you blacked out, do you remember what you said to me? When you thought I was Jude?"

"Oh. So this is what this is about." He continued to stare into space.

"You should've told us, Tommy. You shouldn't have to keep that to yourself."

"Jude said not to tell."

"So what? Just because that's what she wanted, doesn't mean you have to follow. It happened to _you _as well. Don't let Jude decide for you!" Speid insisted.

"But Jude said not to tell," Tommy insisted in a flat voice, still staring at nothing.

"Jude doesn't control you, okay? Remember that." Speid left and closed the door. Jaime and Kwest were waiting outside for him.

"He okay?" Jaime asked.

"Still as pathetic as ever. I'm gonna give Jude a call; she promised me she'd call when she got there, and I have received no such contact." Speid stormed outside to use his cell phone.

Jaime frowned. "She didn't call me, either."

--

Karma was at the Rehearsal Space, making sure Kyle and Wally didn't break anything, when she got a call.

"Karma," Darius said. "We're back from World Instant Star. You need to come back to the studio so we can talk." Karma's eyes lit up. She couldn't wait to show him her new songs.

"Sure Darius, I'll be right there!" Kyle and Wally looked up from their game of Scategories and simultaneously quirked a questioning eyebrow. "Darius wants me in the studio!"

"Cool," Wally said. "We promise not to burn the place down while you're gone," he said sincerely. Karma rolled her eyes.

"I trust you guys," she said, grabbing Speid's extra guitar and running to her car.

Wally and Kyle sat, shell-shocked.

Kyle finally let out a questioning "She… trusts us?"

--

"Hello, Jude Harrison's home, this is Haley speaking," a British voice rang out over the phone.

"Hey Haley. Is Jude there? Tell her it's Speid."

After a static-y silence, Jude's voice said quietly "Speid?"

"Dude! You want to tell me why you weren't at the first phone number you gave me?"

"Oh, I, um, switched numbers," she said, obviously lying. Speid ignored it, though, in favor of more pressing concerns.

"Okay, fine. But tell me something: Why'd you sleep with Squinty when he went to London?"

"I told him not to say anything," was the only response she gave.

"Yeah, well let's just say he didn't mean to. You want to tell me why you're breaking hearts, Harrison?"

"I just… got caught up in the moment," she offered weakly.

"Jude! You can't just do that! That's _not _the Jude Harrison I know," he said angrily.

"Yeah, well the Jude Harrison you know got pregnant and lost her record contract." And then she hung up.

Speid gaped at the wall.

--

"Karma!" Darius boomed as soon as she walked in the door. "I called you five minutes ago!"

"And I sped to get here," she said. "I'm here now, so let's get started! When do I get to start recording?"

"Never. You're fired," Darius then turned to a couple of interns that had been waiting nearby the whole time, and walked off, talking with them.

Karma ran out, her face deceptively strong. She was really breaking down inside.

--

Sadie was walking back to Jude's apartment, reliving the past hour. She was fairly certain it was another failed job interview.

As she sighed, a voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

"Sadie Harrison," the Irish-sounding man boomed. "Whatever are you doing in London?"

"_Liam?_" Sadie gaped.

--

When Speid got back to the rehearsal space, he found Karma, crying, surrounded by Kyle and Wally.

"Babe, what's wrong?" Speid said softly, kneeling before his wife. "What happened?" Karma just started crying harder.

"Dude, Darius fired her." Kyle finally spoke when it became apparent that Karma wouldn't. Speid stood up and sat back down on the couch, pulling Karma onto his lap.

"Dudes, this is kind of a private thing," Speid said. Kyle and Wally nodded and walked out of earshot.

"Kyle," Wally whispered. "When are you going to tell them?"

"I can't. They'll feel all selfish for not helping and Speid'll try to pay for it all."

"But you have to do something for a living! You've always wanted to be a geologist, this is your chance to get a scholarship!"

"Dude, I told you, I'm gonna ask my boss for an advance. Speid and Karma can't afford to loan me 2000 dollars for a contest I _might _win."

"That's gonna be a really big advance, Kyle. You don't even get paid that in a month, and the deadline is in two weeks."

"Yeah, well it's the best job I can get now that my mother died and my father told every business in town that I'm a liability!"

"You don't feel guilty, do you Kyle? You know the crash wasn't your fault."

"It was, Wally! I should've gone with her to the bar that night, I should've driven her home."

"No," Wally insisted fiercely. "You had just got back from a long night at the studio. You had homework to do and your dad said to watch the house."

"And my mom," Kyle added. "He said to watch the house and my mom. He blames me too, you know."

"I know dude. I know."

--

"So, let me get this straight. You want me to be your personal assistant while you travel around the world, taking over music studios with the large trust fund, which your parents didn't give you until now, at age 40," Sadie said, taking a sip of her tea after she was finished.

"No," Liam began. "I want you to be my _business partner_ and _we _will travel around the world. _We _will become co-managers of a few Indie studios that are in desperate need of some donations, and _we _will do so using the _generous donation_ my parents gave to me because they knew their time is going to come real soon." He put his arms on the table and leaned across. "So what do you say… Sadie?"

Sadie bit her lip. "I have to take care of Jude. I can't take off right now, I need to stay with her."

Liam sat back again, crossing his arms. He stared at her for a second, and then reached into his pocket, pulling out a scrap of paper. "Tell you what. I'm going to be in London for another week. You think about it, and call my cell number. It's written on here," he said, handing her the paper. He threw down some bills. "I hope to hear from you soon Sadie. You deserved better than being Darius' personal monkey, and now that you aren't working for him, I hope you don't go running off and doing the same thing for another person. I want to work with you as equals. I hope you will accept my invitation." He stood and left.

Sadie put the piece of paper in her pocket, thinking.

--

**Hey guys, I'm sorry I haven't updated in forever, but school is just… ugh, this year. Anyways, hope you enjoyed this update, no matter how long it took.**


	7. Bring On The Wonder

**Okay, I want to give you guys a timeline here:**

**+Jude left Canada on Saturday, February 16, 2008****  
+She was 18****  
+Tommy was 24  
+It's now Friday, May 23****rd**** of 2008  
+It's been 3 months and 1 week since Jude left Canada  
+There are 6 months and 3 weeks until Jude's 19****th**** birthday (12/16/08)  
+There are 10 days until Tommy's 25****th**** birthday (6/2/08)**

**Hmm… that was pretty detailed. Okie dokie, on with the story!**

**---  
**

_Sometimes, you let go of someone, because you need to. Although, no one ever considers that life isn't that black and white._

_There's always alternatives. You can become less connected to said person. You can even keep your normal relationship with them. Letting go doesn't always mean cutting the cord. No, letting go means letting your feelings run about freely while staying strong and independent._

_And you don't need to be alone to be independent._

_---  
_

"Hey Jude? We need to talk," Sadie said, entering the kitchen.

"Okay. What's up?" Jude said, setting down her coffee.

"I got a job offer," Sadie said. "A really good one."

"That's great Sadie! You deserve it, you know." Jude gave Sadie a hug.

"Um, thanks," Sadie said awkwardly. "But there's a catch, you see. I'd kind of have to leave London. It's a sort of 'around-the-world' job." Jude stepped back, and Sadie bit her lip. "Jude?"

Sadie deserved a shot at a job that took advantage of her talents, while not making her a slave. Jude also knew that Sadie had been having trouble finding such a job, which made Sadie doubt her talents. Jude, however, suspected more sexism than fair judgment, and hated to see the usually-confident Sadie doubting herself so. So, if Sadie had found such an opportunity as she was owed, why take that away from her? Jude would be fine on her own. Her album was just one song away from being finished, and then, hopefully, Jude would have enough money to have some pleasure.

"I still think that's great Sadie. You know you're going to have to e-mail me pictures. If you visit Italy again you should try to snap a pic of the Statue of David."

Sadie grinned. "Really? I mean you're really okay with it?"

"Of course I am! It's a great opportunity for you, and I need a break from your preppy, bossy ass," Jude joked. Sadie squealed and hugged her sister tight.

--

"Did you get the advance?" Wally asked.

Kyle sighed. "No. Boss said I hadn't been working for him long enough to get an advance, especially one _that _big."

"So what are you going to do, dude? There's only a week left before the deadline. You know Speid would lend you the money," Wally urged.

"I told you, no way am I going to ask. They're… well, honestly? They'd do it, but out of guilt. They have too little money right now to give it with anything but reluctance. I hate feeling like I'm taking advantage of my friends."

Wally's face softened at this. "Fine. But you know it's gonna be a while before you get another shot."

"Yeah-"

"Hey guys," Karma said, unusually cheery. Wally and Kyle did a double-take when they took in her appearance.

She wore no makeup. Her hair was just in a ponytail. She work a Nirvana t-shirt, and over that, _overalls._

"Why…?" Kyle began.

"Speidy and I are going to volunteer at the soup kitchen today. I figure it's a sure-fire way to get back in the spotlight, since my music career is over."

Karma would never admit it out loud, but the truth was that she woke up this morning and felt… alive. So alive, in fact, that she wanted to _do _something, something with meaning.

"Ready to go?" Speid asked, walking down the stairs. His clothes were normal.

"Yep," Karma said. She and Speid left, her walk a little on the bouncy side.

"Dude, I didn't know she even owned overalls," Wally said, shocked.

"I know," Kyle said, equally mystified. "Much less a Nirvana t-shirt…"

--

Jude sat down in front of the phone. Sadie had just left after three days of packing. She had no excuse now. She had to call.

_Wait! It's Monday. He's working. I can't disturb him when he's working. This is the kind of thing you tell someone when they're alone… It's also the kind of thing you tell someone in person._

Jude sighed, picked up her cellphone, and dialed his number.

"Hello?" Tommy answered. He sounded a little bit weaker than normal, but Jude didn't have time for questions. She had to get this over with.

"Hey, Tommy, it's Jude. We need to talk." She gulped. "Um, you know that thing that happened in London?"

"Yeah," he said, without emotion.

"Well I kind of ended up pregnant." Silence. "And then I kind of got an abortion."

"Jude." His voice sounded slightly strangled. "Why are you telling me this?"

"I thought you deserved to know," she whispered, biting her lip.

"Thanks," Tommy said, emotionless once again. "Bye." And then he hung up.

Jude shut her phone and collapsed into tears. "Why am I crying?" she asked herself. "_I _broke up with _you!_"

But she knew the reason. She had been ready for her own adventures, but she hadn't been ready to do it without _anybody._ She wasn't ready to do it alone.

--

Jude stormed into the coffee house, finding Haley and Ben making out while a cup of coffee sat on the edge of their table, in danger of falling.

"You guys really have to do that somewhere else. I could've been a cop." They jumped apart and Haley looked up at me, annoyed.

"What do you want?"

"Get Rob. We've got music to record, _now_."

--

"…and the ending is just like the chorus, except for the last line you do E-minor 7, instead of E-minor, okay?" Jude said. She turned. "Haley, count us off?"

Haley beat her drumsticks together four times, setting the tempo. Immediately afterwards, Ben came in with the opening, Rob playing the bass riff. After the last measure of G's, Jude started singing.

"_Sitting on a bus seat__  
Waiting for happy  
Sitting in a church pew  
Waiting for my epiphany_

_I can't even begin to cross out what I've written  
I can't even begin to feel  
Still I sense tears  
Falling down my face_

_And it's poison that I'm crying  
Crying all over you  
And it's poison that I'm bleeding  
Bleeding from my heart_

_Trying to make things right  
Trying to make that call_"

Haley glanced at Jude questioningly. Jude gave a brief nod before continuing.

"_Trying to tell you the truth  
So I can let it out_

_My friends always end up getting hurt  
When I don't tell it all_"

Patsy. Kat. Jamie and Speid. _Tommy._

"_So I'm trying to do  
What's best for you_"

_I really am trying, Tommy, _Jude thought, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath before the chorus.

"_And it's poison that I'm crying__  
Crying all over you__  
And it's poison that I'm bleeding  
Bleeding from my heart_

_I don't know why I can't tell you the truth  
I don't know why my heart bleeds when  
That should be you  
I don't know why I can't stop crying  
When I'm the one who left you_"

Of course, Jude had answered these questions earlier, but the answers just didn't seem valid. They just… weren't.

"_And it's poison that I'm crying  
Crying all over you  
And it's poison that I'm bleeding  
Bleeding from my heart_

_And it's poison that's my essence  
Infecting your very soul  
I'm sorry for the hurt  
I'm sorry for the poison._"

Ben finished the guitar part and everyone was silent for a moment. Then Haley got up and put an arm around Jude, who was staring towards the chapel door. "What are you going to call it?" she asked.

"Lying," Jude whispered.

"Lying," Ben mused. "I like it. Perfect final track for the album."

Jude snapped out of her daze and turned around. "That's not the final track." She grinned. "There's one more." She walked over to the keyboard. "Rob, mount the mike on here. I don't need you guys for this one. It's just me on the piano… just the way Megan had it." There was a brief, shocked silence after this statement. "Just to clarify, it's the basement song."

Rob quickly mounted the mike. "Three, two, one…"

"_Snow falls on the city_

_White on white…_"

--

Just one week after Jude called him, and right on his 25th birthday, Tommy Quincy sat with a copy of Jude's new CD, _Karma Doesn't Apply_, in his hands. He stared at the cover, which had a picture of Jude lounging on a couch, two guys and a girl all grinning mischievously and sitting on top of her. Tommy assumed this was her backup band.

He flipped it over to the track listing, simple black text on white background, and his eyes bugged out at what he saw. The very last track, track 11, was labeled "2 a.m. (the Basement Song)."

Quickly he tore out the insert, and flipped to the dedications.

"_First, I have to thank Lacy Prat (Rob, Ben and Haley, you kept me alive and happy through Sir Gary and so much more) for helping me make this album after I was so sure it wasn't going to happen. Next, I have to thank my sister Sadie, who gives me the inspiration to stand tall every day. Of course I have to thank my dad, who had me singing Clash songs at age five._

_But there's one person who I need to thank so much more than anyone else. Tommy Quincy, you mean the world to me, and I know I showed you in probably the most horrendous way, but you do. You know I don't put a song on an album without meaning every word of it, and I sang 2 a.m. with every ounce of soul I had. Thank you, and I'm sorry for the poison._"

Tommy quickly ripped the CD onto Itunes, and put it on his iPod. Turning it on repeat, he listened to the song over and over and over again. After two hours of sitting there, relishing the music, he continued to listen, this time while buying a plane ticket and packing his suitcase.

---

**Whew. Now wasn't that fun? I think this fic is close to over. We'll see. I'm guessing at least two more chapters, but who knows how long the next one will be.**

**Oh, and if you're mad about the time between updates, blame my teachers. Hell knows I do.**


	8. Frankly, Mr Shankly

**So, most of you readers (hopefully, anyways) will be happy to know that since the beginning I've had two routes planned for where the story could go from here, and I've picked the longer one. Enjoy!**

**

* * *

**_How good does it feel to break free? We all need to be ruthless, reckless and impulsive sometimes. Since society dictates such an outbreak only every so often, you better make it worth it. You better make it hell of good. Cause if you don't, you're left feeling cheated, and that makes you feel shitty._

_Sometimes, though, breaking free means being tied down to someone, contradictory as that might seem._

_

* * *

_

Jude, Haley, Ben and Rob sat in Jude's apartment. Jude was sitting down in a chair, holding an envelope- a store in England that was selling the album had sent her a check. She took a deep breath. "First paycheck from the new album." She started to open it, but she stopped. She sighed. "I can't take all the money."

"We agreed," Rob said, firmly. "Your rent is late, you haven't eaten in a week and you are in desperate need of a new coat, which you can't afford. _You are taking the whole paycheck._"

"Fine, but we're splitting the next one evenly," Jude demanded. "Twenty five percent each. Maybe even a little less for me."

"Jude, just open it," Haley said, impatient. Jude took another deep breath, and opened it.

"Holy shit!"

---

Tommy had taken to sitting in his room and listening to Jude's album while unpacking and repacking his suitcase. He hadn't been able to sell the lease on his apartment for a couple of weeks, and the customer wanted him to take care of it until he moved in, which would be in a week. Tommy hoped that Jude would take him even though he wouldn't be able to reach her until three weeks after she had, quite publicly, apologized, in writing and song.

---

"Mr. Fenway, I've had a lovely time talking with you. Would you and your wife like to join us for dinner this evening?" Mr. Shankly asked.

"I'm not married, Mr. Shankly," Liam said, surprised.

"Oh? I thought you and that lovely blond- Sadie, that's it, were…" He waved his hand, searching.

"Sadie and I are friends, and co-workers. If your invitation still stands, I'd be happy to dine with you if Sadie is."

"Well of course it does!" Mr. Shankly said enthusiastically. He and Capo Records were about to go bankrupt, and Liam Fenway, a well-respected, wealthy man, had shown an interest in taking it off his hands for him.

"Well then, Ms. Harrison should be here in about… two minutes." He took out a couple decks of cards. "Are you fond of Nerts, Mr. Shankly?"

---

"So why do we have to be here again?" Karma asked, sitting down and picking up one of NBR's studio guitars. "Do you have a pick?" Speid handed dug in his pocket and produced two.

"Heavy or thin?"

"Thin."

"We have to be here because we're mixing my album," he said, handing her the pick. She started tuning the guitar.

"Yeah, but everyone's gone except Nana, so why do _we _have to be here _today?_" Karma hated going into the studio. It taunted her, saying '_you can't make music anymore, you failure!'_ Music had always been about the fame for Karma, but she hadn't ever realized how much making music meant to her. She hadn't ever realized that pouring her soul into the mic was therapeutic, and that even though the songs she wrote weren't that good, she had liked just _writing _them.

"Well, Jamers is having a day off with Zepplin, and Kwest is sick, and they _both _forgot to tell each other, but they still expect me to have made some progress, so… well, yeah. Why are you so sick of the studio lately?" he asked.

"It's nothing," Karma said sharply. "Just go ahead, start on the album."

His eyes softened. He went up to her, took the guitar from her hands and placed it off to the side. "Babe, I know you." He reached up and stroked her cheek softly. "You've got a song bugging you, don't you?"

She nodded. "This time, I can hear it all," she said, staring into space. "The lyrics aren't even half-bad, but I can't physically hear it, and it's killing me. I need to _hear _it. It's all bottled-up, you know?"

Speid thought for a moment, then took a deep breath. "We can make it happen, babe. It won't be released, but we can record it. Jamie and Kwest won't mind, as long as I get some work done today. We can let you really _hear _it if you want."

She smiled through tears. "I'd need a pair of tap shoes, and some bongo drums. Is the floor in there tile?"

Speid gaped, but nodded. "We have some bongos in the studio. Tap shoes?"

"I know they're kind of expensive, so we can cut that part out, I guess…" she said, smile faltering a little.

"No, it's fine. Let's go."

---

After the first one, checks had been clogging the P.O. Box weekly. But then again, it had only been three weeks, so the album was still new. Jude refused to read the album reviews; instead she listened to any music but her own.

Haley came in, two more envelopes in hand. "One's a check, but the other's from the church where we recorded," she said, shedding her coat and sitting down on the couch next to Ben. She kissed him. "Missed ya."

"You mean, in the fifteen minutes you've been gone?" he asked, grinning. She ignored this remark and started making out with him.

Rob glanced at Jude, and she shrugged. "Let them be happy," she said quietly. The tall man shrugged back, and then pointed at the envelopes. "We'll open the check later," Jude decided. She reached for the other envelope.

After she had scanned the letter, Jude smiled. "Oh guys, we have to!" Jude said excitedly. "This is perfect!"

"What?" Rob asked in his usual blunt, mono-syllabic manner. At least, it was normal when he was hung over, as he was now. He, Ben and Haley had decided to quit waiting for Jude to change her mind; they'd gone partying without her.

"The church has a midweek dinner every Wednesday; lots of people come. They let anybody come, even if they don't go to the church. They want us to come and do a set! It's no pay, of course, but just a few songs. This is exactly how I've always wanted to perform: just for the music." Her eyes were shining.

Rob shrugged. "I'm in." He glanced at Haley and Ben, who had stopped making out in favor of listening to Jude.

"Sure," Ben said.

"Anything for the children," Haley said. Jude froze; images of Music Helps flashed through her mind, or, more specifically, images of _Tommy _during Music Helps. That had practically been his catch phrase. Anything for the children.

Someone knocked on the front door. Jude opened it, not bothering to try and look through the dirt-encrusted spy hole.

"Hey Girl," Tommy said as soon as she opened the door. "Is it 2 a.m. yet?"

Jude launched herself into his arms and cried. He awkwardly maneuvered Jude, himself and the suitcase through the front door and sat down in the nearest chair. He glanced at Rob, Ben and Haley. "I'm Tommy Quincy. You must be Lacy Prat. Thanks for taking care of Jude."

---

"So, I just sign on the dotted line?" Mr. Shankly asked. "It's really that easy?"

"Just sign on the dotted line," Liam confirmed. "We'll take care of Capo Records; I promise. You even have a week to move out, but Ms. Harrison and I will start taking over tomorrow."

Mr. Shankly signed.

"Pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Fenway… Ms. Harrison. See you tomorrow." He donned his hat and left.

Liam turned to Sadie. "We did it! Our first studio," Sadie said. "Party time!"

"With who? We don't know anybody here," Liam said, grinning.

"Well, you and I can just let ourselves go to bed early tonight, but I was thinking; what better way to get acquainted with our new employees than to host a party in our new home?" Sadie said.

"I like the way you think, Harrison. I'll see you tomorrow, Sadie." They parted, Liam going to his first floor bedroom and Sadie walking up the stairs and into her third floor bedroom. The reason Sadie got the master bedroom was simple; it had a bigger closet.

---

"It's beautiful, Sweetie," Speid said, kissing her head. Karma smiled, satisfied.

"It sounds exactly like in my head."

"It sounds like hit material," Jamie said. Speid and Karma jumped at the unexpected comment.

"Hey Jamers," Speid said awkwardly. "I tried to get some mixing done, but…um, yeah."

"Karma, would you like to release a single through NBR? You would, of course, get the major part of the profits…" Jamie said. He straightened, his voice taking on a sale pitch. "You could even release some more, freelance. Absolutely no binding contract, so if a major label wanted to pick you up again-"

Karma smiled. "As if I'd leave here. But freelance sounds nice; I don't think I can write a whole album in less than a couple years. I'd love to start recording again."

"Well then," Jamie said. "Let's call a lawyer and draw up a contract."

---

"Tommy and I are going to go upstairs," Jude said. "Just to get him unpacked. Feel free to stay."

"Unpacking my ass," Rob sneered. "You guys are two musicians who used to be romantically involved and haven't seen each other in months. I don't want to hear bed springs all night. See you tomorrow."

"We're good," Haley said before attaching her lips to Ben's again.

"No sex on my couch," Jude commanded playfully. "Use the floor; it's easier to clean." She and Tommy ran up stairs.

There was an awkward silence. "You think they noticed that they forgot Tom's suitcase?" Ben asked.

"We don't have to talk about it, you know. Sex. We haven't done it and we don't have to," Haley said.

"Let's go to the park," Ben suggested. "It's pretty vacant at this time of night; we can talk privately."

---

"Seriously?" the secretary, Danni, asked excitedly. At Sadie's nod, she smiled and walked into the center of the lobby. "Hey!" she yelled, and everyone instantly paid attention to her. "The old geyser's gone; we've got new managers, and on Friday they're throwing us a party!" There were cheers all around.

Danni walked back to Sadie and people went back to business, their smiles a little wider. "So, Ms. Harrison-"

"Sadie," she corrected automatically.

"A, where's your partner?"

"Getting an espresso machine; he says the one you have now isn't fit to brew shit."

"Damn right," Danni mumbled. "And B, tell me more about this party."

* * *

**So, as you can see, we've got a lot to go. Oh, and don't worry, more drama starting next chapter. These past chapters have got you on a fluff high, maybe, but I can't handle large amounts of fluff. It clogs up my muse's mind, and **_**that's**_** no good…**


End file.
